Bobbie Gentry - Ode to Billy Joe

ODE TO ANDRUW JONES
.
It was the new years soon another sleepy, boring Dodger da-a-ye-ee
Ned was out shoppin' Andruw and no GMs would come to pla-ay
At quittin' time Ned stopped and walked out of his office su-u-i-eet
And sadly muttered, hung his head and said, "Another day ends in de-feat."
And then he said, "I got some news this mornin' from the SS Minyana's bri-a-i-idge
"Ain't got no in'trest in obtaining the Southern California Fr-idge."
.
'n Franky said to Jamie as he passed him out Foundation gre-a-ye-een
"We'll Neddy never had a lick of sense, we wanted guys who'r fit and le-ean"
There's forty-two more fields in the county I got to bui-u-i-ild
'n Jamie said, "Don't forget the other guy he got ain't none too skill-ed"
"Seems like nothin' ever comes to no good up on Neddy'd ri-a-i-idge"
"And now you tell me that we're stuck with the Southern California Fr-idge."
.
'n Vinny said he recollected when Fridge was known as Andruw Jo-oo-o-nes
A svelt but powerful kid who was nothin' but skin and bo-ones
And wasn't Ned talkin' to him 'round last Christmas li-i-i-ight?
Gave him $36 million for one-fiftyeight, now that don't seem ri-ight.
I saw him yesterday nosing round the buffet bri-a-i-idge
And now ya tell me that he's now the Southern California Fr-idge
.
And Neddy said to Frank, "Hey! What's happened to your appe-ti-a-yi-ite?"
"There's free agents come a callin' and you won't take another bi-ite."
"That nice young shortstop Raffy-somethin' dropped by to say-a-ye-ee"
"Said he'd be pleased to be a Dodger, oh by the wa-ay"
"He said he saw a guy looked a lot like AJ up on Mauricio Baez Bri-a-i-idge (its in the Dominican - you can look it up. See a song and geography all in the same post! But I digress...)
"And he was throwin' his career away 'cus he's the Southern California Fr-idge."
.
A year has come and gone since we signed AJ and don't ya kno-oo-o-ow
Still can't hit a lick but Joe'll play him 'cus he's not retarded, he's just slo-ow.
There was a CC goin' 'round Cashman grabbed him up to do his thi-a-ye-ing
And now Frank he don't want to sign much of anythi-ing
And Jones he spends a lot of time trying to find his swing up on Yaque Del Norte ri-a-i-idge
And in two-thousand nine we'll still be watchin' the Southern California Fridge.

Artist: Scarecrow
CD: Wizard of Ned
©NedCo Broken Records 2008

NedCo - If its broke, don't fix it.™

seesky - thanks for the title. I took a little advantage of the way in Tom Petty sings to make some of the words fit.

Song - "The Waiting"
by Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GLCJEYLIBQY

Oh bloggers don't it feel like hell right now
Don't it feel like something from a dream
Yeah, we've never known anyone quite like this
Don't it feel like Borass is a pain in the ***
We know better than to try and pretend
Baby no one could have ever told us about this

The waiting is the hardest part
Every day we see one more card
We take it on faith, We take it to the heart
The waiting is the hardest part

Well, yeah Manny might have chased a couple of deals around
all it ever got him was down
Then there's Dodgers who made him feel good
And always as good as it is right now
Manny you're the only one that LA wants now
To make the fans feel like they have a super star now

The waiting is the hardest part
Every day we get one more yard
You take it on faith, you take it to the heart
The waiting is the hardest part

Don't let Borass get to you, don't let him get to you
Don't let him hurt you Manny, don't let him get to you
We'll be your cheering hearts, we'll be your screamin' fools
Don't let this go too far, don't let this get to you

****guitar interlude****

The waiting is the hardest part
Every day we get one more yard
You take it on faith, you take it to the heart
The waiting is the hardest part

Yeah, the waiting is the hardest part........

****more guitar****

It's the hardest part
repeat until fades

Speaking of Adam Dunn, since it's the Christmas season, I think I'll reissue this song.

My Name is Adam Dunn (To the tune of Carol of the Bells):

na, na na na, na, na na na
na, na na na, na, na na na
na, na na na, na, na na na
na, na na na, na, na na na

My name is Adam Dunn
I am overrated, I wear D-Bags hat
Would you watch me striking out at bat?
Would you watch me striking out at bat?

Ding, I am Dunn
Ding, I am Dunn
Ding, I am Dunn
Ding, I am Dunn

Can't score a run
Can't score a run
Can't score a run
Can't score a run

I'm supposed to lead the D-Bags to October
Like I didn't with the Reds
Would you watch me striking out at bat?
Would you watch me striking out at bat?

Where is the ball?
Wait for the ball
Uh-oh, I fall
Where is the ball?

Ding, I am Dunn
Ding, I am Dunn
Ding, I am Dunn
Ding, I am Dunn

My name is Adam Dunn
Half as good as ManRam, I wear D-Bags hat
Would you watch me striking out at bat?
Would you watch me striking out at bat?

Ding, I am Dunn
Ding, I am Dunn
Ding, I am Dunn
Ding, season done.

OK, its taken me 2-3 hours, but from Ned's perspective, this is a happy song. Ike & Tina Turner, Proud Mary (you really have to youtube this one to have full impact):
.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M_HuOVtHxdI

PROUD NEDDY
.
You know, every now and then I think you might like D's to do something nice and easy.

(left a good job up in Frisco. Workin' for the Gints ev'ry night and day)

But there's just one thing you see - they NEVER-EVER do nothing nice and easy. They always do it nice [eh]

(but I didn't know quite how to screw the Dodgers)

And rough. And I'm gonna take the beginning of this song and do it easy, but then I'm

(til I got a call from ol' Frank and then. Big deals keep on lurkin' our an Frank's chain I keep on jerkin')

Gonna do the finish rough, the way we do Proud Neddy.
.
Signin, signin, signin us chopped liver.

(signin, signin, signin us chopped liver)

Listen to the story now:
.
.
Left a good job up in Frisco
Working for the Gints every night and day
But I didn't know quite how to screw the Dodgers
Til I got a call from ol' Frank and then...
Big deals keep on lurkin
Ooh an' Frank's chain I keep on jerkin'
An' I'm signin, signin yeah, signin us chopped liver
(signin, signin, signin us chopped liver)
.
Did me PR up in 'Cago
Won me an award once in 9-O you see (you can look that up!)
But I never knew how storied were the Giants
Until I took the job out in Frisco with glee
Big deals keep on lurkin
Ooh an' Frank's chain I keep on jerkin'
An' I'm signin, signin yeah, signin us chopped liver
(signin', signin, signin us chopped liver)
Said I'm signin, signin, signin us chopped liver
(signin, signin, signin us chopped li-ver)
.
[ROUGH TRANSITION]
.
Oh I left a good job up in Frisco
Working for the Gints every night and day
And I didn't know quite how to screw the Dodgers
Til I got a call from Frank and then...
Big deals keep on lurkin
Frank's chain I keep on jerkin'
Signin (yeah), signin (alright), signin us chopped liver
Signin, said I'm signin, (yeah) signin us chopped liver
.
da-da-doo-doo-doo-di-doo-doo-doo-di-doo-doo-doo
Ooooooooooo alright
.
Did me PR up in 'Cago y'all
Won me an award once in 9-O you see
But I never knew how storied were the Giants
Til I took the job out in Frisco with glee
Big deals keep on lurkin
Frank's chain I keep on jerkin'
Signin (oh-oh), signin (yeah), signin us chopped liver
Signin, signin, signin us chopped liver
.
da-da-doo-doo-doo-di-doo-doo-doo-di-doo-doo-doo
Alright! Yeah oooo-yeah-yeah alright ya-ya ya Oh-yeah
.
If you come to L.A. right now
I betcha you're gonna find some vets that can't give
You don't have to worry
Frank will give them money
Franky he don't know Schmidt and his minds like a sieve
Big deals keep on lurkin
Frank's chain I keep on jerkin'
Signin, said signin, signin us chopped liver
Signin, signin, signin us chopped liver
.
da-da-doo-doo-doo-di-doo-doo-doo-di-doo-doo-doo
Owwwwwwwwwwwww
.
Signin, signin, signin us chopped liver
Signin, signin, signin us chopped liver
Signin, signin, signin us chopped liver
Signin, signin, signin us chopped liver [to fade]

Artist: The Nedsters
CD: Simply Ned
©NedCo Broken Records 2008

NedCo - You know more so we don't have to.™

FRANKIE THE CHEAPSKATE

Frankie the Cheapskate was a jolly happy soul,
With a empty wallet and a Cheshire smile
And two eyes made out of coal.

Frankie the Cheapskate is a fairy tale, they say,
He was from the east but they threw him out
Now he's here to ruin our day.

There must have been some reason that they let him buy our team.
For when they placed it in his hands
He began to plot and scheme.

O, Frankie the Cheapskate is as smooth as he can be,
He will tell you that he wants to win
Just as long as it's for free.

Thumpetty thump thump,
Thumpety thump thump,
Look at Frankie go.
Thumpetty thump thump,
Thumpety thump thump,
How much does he owe?

Frankie the Cheapskate says, "It's the kids we want to play"
So he said, "Let's run and we'll have some fun
Just as long as I don't pay."

Down at the ballpark, with the media in his hand,
Running here and there all around the square saying,
"Manny is the Man".

He led them down the streets of gold like most good fantasies.
"I cannot pay him what he wants."
And then raises all the fees.

For Frankie the Cheapskate had to hurry on his way,
He said, "It's no con, I know what's going on,
What's the LA Marathon?"

Thumpetty thump thump,
Thumpety thump thump,
Look at Frankie go.
Thumpetty thump thump,
Thumpety thump thump,
We need to overthrow.

Some more morning Christmas cheer. I think someone has done this song, so my apologies - I don't like to duplicate efforts, but it kinda just wrote itself: Winter Wonderland

NED & FRANKY'S BLUNDERLAND
.
Cell phones ring, no one's ansrin'
In New York, fans are dancin'
No players in sight
We're bitchin' tonight
Watchin' Ned & Franky's blunderland
.
On the grass, there'll be old turrds
In the stands, they'll be boo birds
Gone are the days
Of our winning ways
Watchin' Ned & Franky's blunderland
.
Out in center we've got us a dough man
Let's pretend that he is Manny Ram
He'll say, "can you pay me?"
We'll say, "No Man."
"But you can hand out hams when you're in town."
.
Later on, we'll conspire
How to get Nedster fired
Our teams in a plight
There's no hope in sight
Watchin' Ned & Franky's blunderland
.
Out in leftfield we'll watch lil' Juanpy
And on the rail an aged circus clown
Won't get many hits from lil' Juanpy
But he's the fastest veteran around
.

When we lose, ain't too thrillin'
But with the dough, Frank ain't willin'
We'll struggle to play, the old Dodger way
Watchin' Ned & Franky's blunderland

In the words of Frooge - "every Dodger fan who goes about with "free agent" upon his lips should be boiled with his won pudding, and buried with a stake of holly through his heart. He should!"

Just a little Christmas carol before bedtime - Sleigh Ride.

OUR TEAM BE A STINKIN'
.
Just hear that coin purse jinglin'
Pennies clinkin' one-two
Come on, its time we're drinkin'
Cuz our team be a stinkin' P.U.
Outfield has Pierre lurkin
So Dre they'll be a jerkin' boo-hoo
Come on it's time we're drinkin'
Cuz our team be a stinkin' P.U.
.
Jonsey up, Jonsey up, Jonesy up
He blow, should be a freak show
We're gonna get another older crow
Pony up, Pony up, Pony up
We're sad, our team is so bad
We're plodding along, Ned's all wrong
Just a Gnat from ol' fairy land (not that there's anything wrong with that)
.
Frank's checks are nonexistent
From all his resistance its true
We're growing old together
Cuz our birds of a feather are glue
Let's take the time to notice
A rousing chorus of boos
But hey our team got betta
Cuz Ned got us Loretta woo-hoo
.
There's a cocktail party
At the Yankees office now
But we're not invited cuz we still have got The Cow
They'll be fielding the kinda
Line-up that we all would like to see
But Frank won't spend and so our
bubble pops. Pop! Pop! Pop!
.
It's a happy feeling
knowing players money buys
But when Ned negociates it's
Just that nothing flies
It'll nearly be like a museum
'Round third base and at short
Don't forget we spent thirty-six
For a golf ball size of wart
.
Frank's checks are nonexistant
From all his resistance its true
We're growing old together
Cuz our birds of a feather are glue
Let's take the time to notice
A rousing chorus of boos
Come on it's time we're drinkin'
Cuz our team be a stinkin' P.U.

In the words of Tiny Ned - " Free agents shun us - every one! "

Sorry, in my present state at school, it's all about Christmas music and "Take Me Out to the Ballgame", and I would hate to take that sacred baseball song and turn it into a ITD song. Some songs are just untouchable and that's one of them. Also, I have a song about a chicken stuck in my head which would make a great song, but I can't get past the visual of actually Frank/Ned being the chicken. Anyhow, so I am left with the myriad of Christmas songs that I am entrenched in every day at school. However, I must say, this is one of my favorites, and it fits our owner pretty well. Also, thank you northstateblues for the help on a word :) Here is the youtube link because if you don't know the song, it's not just one voice.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yon2YuXssvo

Song : Cheap Miser
Original Song: Snow Miser (there is the Heat Miser too)
From the Children's movie: The Year Without a Santa

I'm mister cheap miser
I'm mister show
I'm mister blue miser
I'm mister "I don't know"
Fans call me cheap miser
Whatever I touch
Turns to crap in my clutch
I'm too much!

**chorus**'
Frank's mister cheap miser
He's all show
Frank's mister blue miser
He's mister "I don't know"

Fans call me cheap miser
Whatever I touch
Turns to crap in my clutch

**chorus**
He's too much!!

I never want to see a player
Who's under the age of thirty
I'd rather have them forty
Fifty, sixty and get them freeeeeeeeeeee

[Chorus:]
He's mister cheap miser
He's mister show

That's right!

[Chorus:]
He's mister blue miser
He's mister I don't know

Fans call me cheap miser
What ever I touch
Turns to crap in my clutch
...too much.

[All:]
Too Much!

The Hollies - Carrie Anne:
.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vlt9I8N0z8Q

FRANKY MAN
.
Doo doo doo-doo di di doo-doo doo
Doo doo doo-doo di di doo-doo doo
.
Hey, Franky Ma-a-a-an
Hey, Franky Ma-a-a-an
.
Frank's just a tool his mind is simple
Built him a parking lot, and needs him a girdle
Just can't play with bigger boys, gets rejects
What's the diff'rence it's just fans your screwing
.
[REFRAIN]
Hey Franky Man
Our team's lame now, will anybody play?
Hey Franky Man
Our team's lame now, who will you get to play?
.
You said you'd bring a champ'yun to us
Build us a winner, money spending
Revenues dry up nonabating
Its just your fan base dissipating
.
[REFRAIN]
.
You're so, so like a loser to me
(Oh like a loser to me )
So, so like a loser to me
(Like a loser to me)
.
[steel drums]
.
[REFRAIN]
.
People live and learn but you're an id-yut
Take my advise sell, I won't be a beetcher
When your tenure's over we'll be happy
As long as you're going take ol' Slappy
.
[REFRAIN]
.
Franky Man, Franky Man, Franky Ma-a-a-an

Artist: Mr. Grinch
CD: F.U. (Fans Union)
©NedCo Broken Records 2008

NedCo - Never leaving our buddy's behind.™

OK, enchanted GM

I see a Dodger team and want it painted black
No colors anymore I want them to turn black
I see free agents walk and put on other clothes
I have to turn my head until my darkness goes

I see a line of cars and they're all fifteen bucks
With pennants and cheap beer both never to come back
I see owners turn their heads and quickly look away
Like a deer in headlights it just happens every day

I look inside McCourt and see his heart is black
I see my Dodger team and must have it painted black
Maybe Frank'll fade away and not have to face the fans
It's not easy facing up when they all hate your ***.

No more will my Dodgers go turn a deeper blue
I could not foresee this thing happening to you
If I look hard enough into Frank's beady eyes
He'll sell the team and flee before the morning comes.

Guess who?
Right on cue.......

We've paid our dues -
Time after time -
We've done our sentences
But committed no crimes -
And bad mistakes
We've made a few
We've had our share of sand kicked in our faces -
But we've come through

We are the Expos - my friends
And we'll need more Scope - we need to cleanse -
We are the Expos -
We are the Expos
We're now just losers
'Cause we are the Expos - of the league

Frank's taken our team
And all of its pride -
And traded it all in for a marathon
He's always lied -

It's been no bed of roses
No pleasure cruise -
We demand that he sell us to somebody -
Who don't wanna lose -

We are the Pirates - my friends
And we'll keep on losing - till the end -
Frank is pathetic-
We need anesthetic
For we've become losers
And we are the Clippers - of the world -

I hates to says it, but says it I must...

While writing this one, I imagined the Heartbreakers coming upon a dusty, empty Dodger Stadium parking lot, with Tumbleweeds and Manny Wigs blowing in the breeze. Instead of coming upon a room with a perfectly tuned centuries-old guitar, they come upon a room showing highlights of the Dodgers, and the rest that's happened since '88. Instead of the guitar solo, I imagine a recording of Vin's greatest calls... and a banner that reads "Dodgers: 6 Time World Champions", copyrighted a few decades from now.

I'm WAAAAAYY more optimistic than imagining the Dodgers go ringless that long. Just keeping in artistic vision with the video :)

And apologies if this song's been done on here... for some reason, I had the intro stuck in my head.

Ned, You Got Lucky (cover of Tom Petty and the Hearbreakers song)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZTAhZKP5wCY

[Manny Ramirez: vocals]

You better watch what you say
You better watch how you joke about me
Don't get carried away
Ned, if you can do better than me
Go... yeah, go
But remember

A good bat is hard to find
A good bat is hard to find
You got lucky, Ned
You got lucky, Ned
When I found you

You tell a one note joke
And then you turn your back on me
You say the team's not complete
I almost took you all the way
But go... yeah, go
But remember

A good bat is hard to find
A good bat is hard to find
You got lucky, Ned
You got lucky, Ned
When I found you

Yeah go
Just go
But remember

A good bat is hard to find
A good bat is hard to find
You got lucky, Ned
You got lucky, Ned
When I found you

Okay, I managed to take a simple children's Christmas song and change it into a Dodger song. I wrote it while watching part of the Polar Express this afternoon. The song is "Must Be Santa." If you have young children, you should know the song (or at least the tune). If you don't, then pull the song up on youtube to listen just to get a feel of the tune. Even if I could pull up youtube (which I can't here at school), there are alot of versions of the song so it's a matter of knowing the tune versus the lyrics. I can't take all the credit. My students were singing the original, and managed to fit Andre's name in there many times so even though I didn't use Andre's name in the song, the idea of changing the song, came from them. My students only know the good stuff that happens in terms of the Dodgers, so I told them I would do a good song about the boys in blue, but for now, here is one that represents some of the good and some of the not-so-good, about our Dodgers.

Song: Must Be Dodgers
Original Song: Must Be Santa
By - various artists and lyrics

Who's has a team that's blue and white?
Dodgers have a team that's blue and white?
Who's has Frank that's cheap and tight?
Dodgers have Frank who's cheap and tight.

Frank too cheap
Frank too cheap
Blue and white
Blue and white

Who's has Ned that we all dread?
Dodgers have Ned that we all dread.
Who's has Joe that needs to go?
Dodgers have Joe that needs to go.

Joe to go
Ned we dread
Frank too cheap
Blue and White

Must be Dodgers
Must be Dodgers
Must be Dodgers
Dodger Blue

Who's has young guns that are great?
Dodgers have young guns that are great.
Who's has fans that are the best?
Dodger's have fans that are the best.

Fans are best
Young guns great
Joe to go
Ned we dread
Frank too cheap
Blue and white

Must be Dodgers
Must be Dodgers
Must be Dodgers
Dodger Blue

Who has the best blog around?
We have the best blog around.
Who has a team that we all love?
Dodgers have a team that we all love.

ITD
Team we love
Fans are best
Young guns great
Joe to go
Ned we dread
Frank too cheap
Blue and white

Must be Dodgers
Must be Dodgers
Must be Dodgers
Dodger Blue

There's no good way to transition from Eric's touching story to this, so I'm not gonna try: Pink - So What (for Manny):
.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJZDsJ8UU64&feature=channel

GUESS WHAT
.
Na Na Na Na Na Na Na
Na Na Na Na Na Na
Na Na Na Na Na Na Na
Na Na Na Na Na Na
.
I don't have me a contract
I don't know where it went
Seems CC got all the money
And now its my turn to vent (yeah)
I got the same ol' attitude
And I'm gonna show it tonight
I wanna get in trouble
I wanna tell my plight
.
Na Na Na Na Na Na Na
I wanna tell my plight
Na Na Na Na Na Na Na
I wanna tell my plight
.
So guess what?
I'm still the Man Ram
I got my cartoons
And I don't need you
And so far
I'm having no fun
And once its all done
I'm gonna show all you guys
I'm alright, I'm just fine
And Ned's a tool
So guess what
I'm still the Man Ram
I got my cartoons
I'm gonna show all you guys
.
Uh, check my cash flow
.
Colletti won't give me money
Since he gave it to Jason Sch.... it
I guess I'll just sit with Borass
And tell him I'll pitch a fit
What if this gets to the media
They'll say that I'm crossing the line
That'll get me in trouble
That Manny has started to whine
.
Na Na Na Na Na Na Na
Manny has started to whine
Na Na Na Na Na Na Na
Manny has started to whine!
.
So guess what?
I'm still the Man Ram
I got my cartoons
And I don't need you
And so far
I'm having no fun
And once its all done
I'm gonna show all you guys
I'm alright, I'm just fine
And Ned's a tool
So guess what
I'm still the Man Ram
I got my cartoons
I'm gonna show all you guys
.
It's not there
The blank check
I want it all
Scott that's not fair
I gave up Boston
For Angeles
It's not there
The payday
.
So guess what?
I'm still the Man Ram
I got my cartoons
And I don't need you
And so far
I'm having no fun
And once its all done
I'm gonna show all you guys
I'm alright, I'm just fine
And Ned's a tool
So guess what
I'm still the Man Ram
I got my cartoons
I'm gonna show all you guys
.
No No, No No
I don't need you tonight
It's not there
I'm gonna show all you guys
I'm alright, I'm just fine
And Ned's a tool
So guess what?
I'm still the Man Ram
I got my cartoons
And I don't need you
.
Ba da da da da da

Artist: Stink
CD: Raise a Stink
©NedCo Broken Records

NedCo - A model of consistency.™