MR. SANDSMAN
I’m an equal opportunity maligner. The Chordettes, Mr. Sandman:
MR. SANDSMAN
.
bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum
bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum
Mr. Sandsman, you ain’t no dream (bum bum bum bum)
Go back to ‘Querque where you can’t be seen (bum bum bum bum)
Been here a month and nothing’s gone over (bum bum bum bum)
Your average smells a lot, but that’s not clover
.
Sandsman’s slugging is low (bum bum bum bum)
Don’t look too ready to be in the show (bum bum bum bum)
Makes me long for ol’ Sid Bream
Mr. Sandsman, you ain’t no dream
.
bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum
bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum
Mr. Sandsman’s on the wrong team
Its banjo hitting that makes me scream
His outfield play’s like that of a rover
And then he never moves the runners over
.
Sandsman, let’s make it so
Time to go back to New Mexico
Can’t get wood between the seams
Mr. Sandsman, you ain’t no dream
.
bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum
bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum
Mr. Sandsman (Yooooo) you ain’t no dream
And for this song, I know I’ll get reamed
Ashley and Brock is what you remind me
Forgive me if my words aren’t very kindly
.
Mr. Sandsman, I’m just not sold (I’m just not sold)
You’re more like lead and nothing like gold
For me you’re star no longer gleams
Mr. Sandsman you ain’t, no, no no
Mr Sandsman you ain’t no dream
bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum bum
.
©NedCo Broken Records 2011. We make all the bad decisions so you won’t have to™.
By enchantedTheBeav on May 15, 2011 9:54 pm - Reply
We just want the deal done
Tru has inspired me to write this one…
Frank wonders who else he can ream
Tru-mommy says when you gonna sell the team?
Tru-mommy dear we’re not the fortunate ones
And we just want the deal done
Oh we just want the deal done
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Frank’s phone rings in the middle of the night
Bud yells “What you’ve done with this team ain’t right.”
Bud Selig dear you know you’re still number one
But we just want the deal done
Oh we just want the deal…-
.
That’s all we really want
Some fun
When the working day is done
We just want the deal done
Oh we just want the deal done
.
Frank took our team and gave it fatigue
And hid it away from the rest of the league
We want to come watch this team in the sun
Oh we just want the deal done
Oh we just want the deal done
.
That’s all we really want
Some fun
When the working day is done
We just want the deal done
Oh we just want the deal done,
We want to have fun,
We want McCourt gone!
By GiveUsBackOurTeam on May 21, 2011 12:01 am - Reply
FINGER PUPPET TIME
You got your wish Tru. Don’t even have to change the lyrics much. Hank Ballard & The Midnighters, Finger Poppin’ Time:
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FINGER PUPPET TIME
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Hey now, hey now, hey now, hey now
It’s finger pup-puppet time
Finger puppet puppet time
It feels so good
Whew! The things you pantomime
.
Hey now, hey now, hey now, hey now
Hey Wally, come o’er here and see
Hey, hey, hey Nelly
Come o’er here with me
We’re gonna shake it until it breaks
Don’t let Tru see
.
Hey now, hey now, hey now, hey now
It’s finger pup-puppet time
Finger puppet puppet time
It feels so good
The things you pantomime
.
Here comes Nelly, here comes Tru
Here come Wally and Beaver too
It’s finger pup-puppet time
It feels so good
The things you pantomime
.
[Instrumental Interlude]
(Hey now, hey now, hey now, hey now, hey now)
.
Here comes Nelly, here comes Tru
Here come Wally and Beaver too
It’s finger pup puppet time
It feels so good
The things you pantomime
.
Hey now, hey now, hey now, hey now
It’s finger pup-puppet time
Finger puppet puppet time
It feels so good
The things you pantomime
.
©NedCo Broken Records 2011
By enchantedTheBeav on May 20, 2011 10:13 pm - Reply
BEEN SCREWED, BEEN SCREWED, BEEN SCREWED, BEEN SCREWED, BEEN SCREWED
Ah, I perfect segue into my tribute to Ned. ABBA – I Do I Do I Do I Do I Do
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BEEN SCREWED, BEEN SCREWED, BEEN SCREWED, BEEN SCREWED, BEEN SCREWED
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Julio Lugo, Juan Pierre, Juan Uribe
We’ve been screwed
Been screwed, been screwed, been screwed, been screwed, been screwed
.
Manny Ramirez, Marcus Thames, R. Martinez
We’ve been screwed
Been screwed, been screwed, been screwed, been screwed, been screwed
.
Ohman, Mark Sweeney, Jones, Wells, Schmidt, Robles
Wolf, Nomar, Baez, Lurch, Tomko, Gibbons
.
Mientkiewicz, Proctor, Carter, Miles, Green, and TheRiot
We’ve been screwed
Been screwed, been screwed, been screwed, been screwed, been screwed
.
[Musical Interlude – preferably with kazoos]
.
Both Ortiz’s, Vargas, Blake, Dotel,
Weaver, Hill, Bennett, Milton, Park, Towers
.
Vicente Padilla, Ted Lilly, Scott Posednik
We’ve been screwed
Been screwed, been screwed, been screwed, been screwed, been screwed
.
Dioner Navarro, Jack Taschner, E. Loaiza
We’ve been screwed
Been screwed, been screwed, been screwed, been screwed, been screwed
.
Angel Berroa, Anderson(s), Aaron Sele
We’ve been screwed
Been screwed, been screwed, been screwed, been screwed, been screwed
.
©NedCo Broken Records 2011.
.
Some of the others who didn’t make it into the song: Lofton, Mueller, Alomar, Furcal, Saenz, Schmoll, Saito, Carrera, Ledee, Maddux, Betemit, Dessens, Lieberthal, Seanez, Clark, R. Hernendez, MacDougal, Sao, Hillenbrand, Castro, Park, Kuroda, Ethier, Sturtze, Falkenborg, T. Martin, Chavez, J. Johnson, Sherrill, Ausmus, Mota, Hudson, Loretta, Belliard, Thome, Miller, Guerrier, Barajas, Gwynn, Garland, Monasterios, R. Johnson, Hawksworth, Cormier, Carroll, Ely, Link, Gimenez…
By enchantedTheBeav on June 8, 2011 12:33 pm - Reply
Bum Buddies Done Bummed Buddy’s Dong Thong
Y’all sound like you could use some cheering up. How about a little BJ Thomas, Somebody Done Somebody Wrong Song:
Its cold out here tonight
And the season’s just not right for a polka-dot love thong
Bum buddies done bummed buddy’s dong thong
.
Hey, are you gay?, you donned a
Bum buddies done bummed buddy’s dong thong
And had to walk on home
Looking like a lady
Looking like a lady
.
So partake with me, eccen-tricities
Where dad had to make everybody lie-i-i-i-i
A polka-dot thong, and a hot pink sarong
And all those late night calls on the phone
.
Hey, are you gay?, you donned a
Bum buddies done bummed buddy’s dong thong
And had to walk on home
Looking like a lady
Looking like a lady
.
So par-tay with me, this strange malady
The one all those said that you shouldn’t try-y-y-y-y
A polka-dot thong, and a hot pink sarong
And a bustier with points like a cone
.
Hey, are you gay? , you donned a
Bum buddies done bummed buddy’s dong thong
And had to walk on home
Looking like a lady
Looking like a lady
.
Hey, are you gay? (are you gay?), you donned a
Bum buddies done bummed buddy’s dong thong
And had to walk on home
Looking like a lady
Looking like a lady
.
Hey, are you gay? (are you gay?), you donned a
Bum buddies done bummed buddy’s dong thong
And had to walk on home
Looking like a lady
Looking like a lady
(fade)
.
©NedCo Broken Records 2011
By enchantedTheBeav on May 22, 2011 12:07 pm - Reply
The Wreck Of The Good Dodger Franchise
Dang it, I’ve got this started to the Wreck of the Edmund Fitzgerald, but I’m stuck after the first stanza:
.
The legend lives on from Pacoima on south
Of the big ass we call Ned Colletti
The team it is said does its best playing dead
And the cloud from this bomb is mushroomy
Signed a ton of vet’ran whores, ninety-five million or more
But the Dodgers roster still’s empty
The rest of the blue is for us to eschew
When the break in November comes early
.
.
Need some help on this one!!
By enchantedTheBeav on May 19, 2011 8:06 pm - Reply
The club was the pride of baseballs National side,
Coming here from a borough in Brooklyn,
As baseball teams go, it was better than most, with lineup and skipper well seasoned,
Concluding some terms with a corrupt Boston firm,
We now knew that the glass was half empty,
And later with fright when they hired a management gang,
Could it be a G’nat reject who’d be dealing.
By JhallWally on May 19, 2011 8:36 pm - Reply
The Times and news wires sold a tattle-tale round
Bout chauffeurs Jamie was dating
And Franky he blew, cuz he’d married a shrew
T’was the bitch of Old Boston asquealin’
Divorce came fast and the team still came last
And Frank’s pocketbooks were soon emptied
When ’11 came half the team came up lame
And the rest I’m not able to mention
By enchantedTheBeav on May 19, 2011 9:13 pm - Reply
When dealing time came old Colletti came out a sayin’,
Fella’s your too young to play ya,
A stupid GM, for PVLs he caved in sayin’,
Fella’s ya should’ve been older,
To the waiver wire then, he had PVLs coming in,
Throwing away young players our peril,
And later that year, with PVL injuries we feared,
Came the mess that is now McCourts Dodgers.
By JhallWally on May 19, 2011 9:32 pm -
Does anyone know where the money all goes
Frank borrowed thirty but payroll’s just twenty
The researchers say he shant make it through May
He needs sev’ral more millions to fund her.
Would they split the team up if the owner capsized?
Franky’s boat leaks and is taking on water
Now all that remains is a bunch of lost games
Let’s get rid of those scum Boston squatters
By enchantedTheBeav on May 19, 2011 9:36 pm -
Bud Selig rules, and Soberoff spins,
Jamie now lives in 6 mansions,
Old Neddy steamrolls the young players dreams,
With the old vets that just ain’t producing,
In triple A below, the players well know,
They’ll wait to see where Ned sends ‘em,
And the pennant dreams go as the ITDers well know,
With the ignorant Ned deals of November.
By JhallWally on May 19, 2011 10:00 pm -
With some rusty old clowns that Colletti lets play
In what once was considered a heaven
The death knell chimes for the [now] twenty-three times
That its been since won a world series
.
The legend lives on from Pacoima on south
Of the big ass we call Ned Colletti
The team it is said does its best playing dead
And the cloud from this bomb is mushroomy!
By enchantedTheBeav on May 19, 2011 10:08 pm –
Great job Wally!!!
By enchantedTheBeav on May 19, 2011 10:08 pm -
Thanks Beav, you too!!!
By JhallWally on May 19, 2011 10:12 pm -
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6U219P_zs7w&feature=player_embedded
My way
This one is for all the little people
.
http://www.last.fm/music/Frank+Sinatra/_/My+Way
.
And now Bud Selig’s here
They say I face the final curtain
My friend I’ll say it clear
I’ll state my case of which I’m certain
.
I’ve lived a life that’s full
I’ve had my hair cut every which way
Employees learned one thing for sure:
It’s my way or the highway
.
Regrets, well, less than two
And even that one I will not mention
I did what I had to do
And did it all sans apprehension
.
I planned each horrid move
Each careful step towards evil ruin
And more, much more than this
I loved the doin’
.
Yes there were times I’m sure you knew
That I was out to kill Dodger Blue
But even though the hate mail grew
The property we still accrued,
I faced it all and though I’m small,
I did it my way
.
I’ve filled the team with trash
No matter what, they’re still not losing
The fans, their teeth will knash
I find it all just so amusing
.
To think I did all that
And now it’s the courts forever-and-a-day
Oh no, you’re not rid of me
You’ll do it my way
.
For what is a man what has he got
If he can’t preen and be a big shot
To take a team with high ideals
And drag it through mud and courts of appeals
The record shows I did it under your nose
And did it my way
.
Yes it was my way
IT’S ALL BEEN MAKE BELIEVE
I’m feeling a little bit country tonight. This one goes out to Frank. Conway Twitty, “It’s Only Make Believe”:
.
.
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IT’S ALL BEEN MAKE BELIEVE
.
People see me here and there
I think they think I care
For myself, I can deceive
‘Cuz its all been make believe
.
My only hope and prayer, is that Selig won’t dare
Seize books that just aren’t true, and all my receipts too,
Too many ‘ready know, the lies I’ve told since go -
Someday we’ll get a ring, and that green girdle thing…
‘Cuz it’s all been make believe
.
Got dopes like Ned for you, locked out my wife the shrew
Hung banners on the walls, Selig’s cut off my balls
My mouth I can’t control, we’re millions in the hole
Please say a prayer for me, thought haircuts were for free
‘Cuz it’s all been make believe
.
No bailout loan from Fox, I’ll need to change the locks
The wife, the debts to pay, attendance went away
But all I really know – how much fans love me so
My plans, my hopes and my schemes, I am my every dream
‘Cuz it’s all been make believe
.
©NedCo Broken Records 2011.
TRICKLE TRICKLE
I’ll have to check out that song Jason – I’m sure there will be ample opportunity this season. Another one might be Only The Loney by Roy Orbison. No, I fished this one out of obscurity – don’t even need to change the title of this song. Here’s the James Loney version of Manhattan Transfer’s Trickle Trickle. Couldn’t find a decent version of it on Youtube, so you’ll have to go to Yahoo music:
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TRICKLE TRICKLE
[Chorus]
Trickle trickle, slap slap
How much longer can this guy last?
Ain’t no hits droppin’, career’s a floppin’
Tell me how long will this guy last?
Dribble dribble, pop pop
Don’t hit liners, he just hits slop
We’re here waitin’ that’s why I’m statein’
Battin’ him sixth has got to stop
.
Loney’s dug a hole here boys
Not passin Go
His fielding’s sharp, a bat he lacks
Why don’t Ned just give him the sack?
Loney blows Loney blows just like Marty – yeah
Shoont be in the show
Well I just can’t take it
We know he can’t rake it
Don’t want to see James Loney no more
.
Trickle trickle, slap slap
How much longer can this guy last?
Ain’t no hits droppin’, career’s a floppin’
Tell me how long will this guy last?
Dribble dribble, pop pop
Don’t hit liners, he just hits slop
We’re here waitin’ that’s why I’m statein’
Battin’ him sixth has got to stop
.
Loney he’s beat, he’s done yeah boy
And he’s gotta go
Well we know he can’t make the party
Man Ned, make it so
Loney blows Loney blows just like Marty – yeah
Shoont be in the show
Well I just can’t take it
We know he can’t rake it
Don’t want to see James Loney no more
.
Trickle trickle, slap slap
How much longer can this guy last?
Ain’t no hits droppin’, career’s a floppin’
Tell me how long will this guy last?
Dribble dribble, pop pop
Don’t hit liners, he just hits slop
We’re here waitin’ that’s why I’m statein’
James Loney’s time’s already past
James time’s already past.
.
©NedCo Broken Records 2011
dodgereric
Wally and TruMom made me teary eyed up above about being here to the bitter end, so this ones for them. Helen Reddy, You And Me Against The World.
.
.
TRU AND ME AGAINST OL’ FRANK
.
[Spoken]
Tell it again Wally
.
Tru and me against ol Frank
That’s all that’s left is Tru and me against ol Frank
When all the others flipped the bird and walked away
We’ll be here until we’re gra-a-a-a-a-a-y
.
Remember when Ned’s circus came to town
And you were pissed of by McClown
But yet we still came back around, someone that bleeds blue
Someone who was woebegone and still remembers
.
Phew and me against ol Frank
That’s all that’s left is Tru and me against ol Frank
And for all the times Frank lied, we knew we still had
Vinny by our side
.
And when others have all gone
And we’re the ones who’re left to carry on
Then remembering our fat Andruw
Or Jason Schidt and roided Manny too
Think back to the days of Princess Drew
Tru and me against ol Frank
.
[instrumental]
.
And when others have all gone
And we’re the ones who’re left to carry on
Then remembering our fat Andruw
Or Jason Schidt and roided Manny too
Think back to the days of Princess Drew
Tru and me against ol Frank
.
[spoken by TruMom]
I hate you Franky
[spoken by Wally]
I hate you too Frank
.
© NedCo Broken Records 2011