Results tagged ‘ Beatles ’
Panic In The Front Office
For your blackout enjoyment – and continuing Beating The Dead Horse Day, a little ditty about that black moment on November 22, 2006.
Butchering The Beatles “A Day In The Life”, retitled “Panic In The Front Office“
I read the news today oh, boy
About a lucky man who made it big
And though the news was rather sad
Well, I just had to laugh
Ol’ Ned just took a bath
He blew his budget in a rush
He didn’t notice that Juan’s game hadn’t changed
A crowd of bloggers stood and stared
They’d seen his game before
Everyone was really sure that Ned had overpaid him galore
I saw a film today oh, boy
JP had rolled a throw to short again
A crowd of people turned away
But I just had to look
And find my old prayer book
I’d love to trade you off.
Woke up, got out of bed
Dragged a comb across my head
Found my way downstairs and drank a cup
And looking up, I noticed I was late
Found my jersey and grabbed my cap
Made the bus in seconds flat
Ran my way upstairs and found my seat
Felt incomplete, went back for hotdog meat
Ah
I see the lineup and oh, boy
We’ve got ol’ Slappy in left field again
And as though that were not enough
He’s hitting leadoff too
Why can’t there be some GM who’s dumb enough to not know that he’s screwed?
Please Ned just let him go …………….
I’m A Loser
My apologies to dodgereric – since he originally borrowed from this Beatles song last May, we have lost nine losers that he referenced in his song – Nomore, Sweeney, the Cow, Kent, Bennett, Lowe, Penney, Proctoman, and Bloaiza. Yet, we are still sadly saddled with two of the worst original losers – Phew and Schidt. So here we go again with “I’m A Loser”:
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I’m a loser
My shoulder looks and feels like haggis
I’m a loser
And I can barely throw for batting practice.
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Of those six games I have started, four lost
I thank Ned and Conte I should have been tossed
But I have my forty seven million from Frank
And again this year my game’s in the tank
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I’m a loser
And I lost my means to pitch real games
I’m a loser
And I can’t manage to last two frames
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Although I hit and I throw like a girl
I tell you my legs can still really whirl
My tears are falling I’m losing my heart
That damn Crash has me eighth on the depth chart
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I’m a loser
And I ain’t lost my ability
I’m a loser
There’s just too many guys ahead of me
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What have I done to deserve such a fate
I’m just being me can’t you relate?
I want to start a hundred sixty two games
Why does ITD always call me those names?
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I’m a loser
Now I lost my identity
I’m a loser
Now I’m yougnomewho to that Nelly
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[Editorial remark - my apologies to all you ladies, too - I know that most if not all of you can throw better than Phew.]
LEVERAGED MAN
Scott you inspired me. Beatles – Nowhere Man
LEVERAGED MAN
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He’s a real leveraged man,
Ergo there is no Man Ram
Looks like Slappy’s a-gan
Our left fielder
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Doesn’t have a friggin’ clue
Know’s who’s next he wants to screw
Looks like this time its you and me.
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Leveraged Man, please listen,
It’s the fans that you’re pissin’
Leveraged Man, you’re lack of funds has got outta hand
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(lead guitar)
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He’s as dumb as he can be
Don’t care who we want to see
Leveraged Man, all can’t play for free @$%!! &^%#!
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Leveraged Man, do worry
Your bottom line’s now blurry
Sell out now so someone else can take your command
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Side-by-sides in Malibu
Has a wife who is a shrew
Overpriced spring training too %#^@%!! $@%!
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Leveraged Man, please listen
Wisht my fist you’re kissin’
Leveraged Man, please sell the sta-di-am (and team)
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He’s a real leveraged man,
Ruining our Dodgerland
Making all his shady plans for more money
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Making all his shady plans for more money
Making all his shady plans for more money
©NedCo Broken Records 2009
NedCo – Boldly going where everyone has gone before. ™
Borass Man
More Beatles:
Borass Man (to the tune of “Taxman” by the Beatles)
Let me tell you how it will be
$90 mil for you, 19 for me
‘Cause I’m Borass, man
Yeah I’m Borass, man
If one client should opt out this fall
Be thankful I don’t trade them all
‘Cause I’m Borass, man
Yeah, I’m Borass man
If you start too low, I’ll sell ‘em high
When I’m through with you, your wallet’s dry
If they fire me, I won’t break sweat
I’ll just catch a ride on A-Rod’s jet
Borass, man
Don’t ask me how much he’ll go for (ah-ah, Mister Ned)
Just know I’ve made many Front Office’s poor (ah-ah, in the east)
‘Cause I’m Borass, man
Yeah I’m Borass, man
Now my advice for those without the cash
You can lose my number lightning fast
‘Cause I’m Borass, man
Yeah I’m Borass, man
And you’re dealing with no one but me
FRANK YOU KNOW IT AIN’T EASY
Hey ITD!!
How about a little GM song for Ned? To the Beatles’ Christ You Know It Ain’t Easy:
FRANK YOU KNOW IT AIN’T EASY
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We’ve got no starting rotation,
At second and short we do lack.
Towers called me to say, there’s a prem-yum to pay,
Peavy’s gonna cost Kersh and ‘Dre in the pack
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Frank! You know it ain’t easy
You know how hard it can be.
The way things are goin’,
The fans’ll crucify me.
.
Need to talk to Genske about CC.
Gotta get Ben Sheets on the line.
The bloggers all said, they’ve got no faith in old Ned
I’ve still got 25 mil ridin’ the pine.
.
Frank! You know it ain’t easy
You know how hard it can be.
The way things are goin’,
The fans’ll crucify me.
.
Saving up your money for arb’tration day,
Decline the option Brad Penny.
Last night the wife said,
“Oh Ned, let Logan do it instead, Boras is gonna end up with your soul —"
Think!
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Make a lightning trip up to Las Vegas.
Sammy, Kent and Blake won’t be back.
The newspapers said, my career’s all but dead,
Its muscle in the line-up we lack.
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Frank! You know it ain’t easy
You know how hard it can be.
The way things are goin’,
The fans’ll crucify me.
.
Caught a glimpse of Schmidty last April,
Fifty million gone in one whack.
The leaks in the pen need to be stop-gapped again,
Before the press goes back on the attack
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Frank! You know it ain’t easy
You know how hard it can be.
The way things are goin’,
The fans’ll crucify me.
.
The way things are goin’
The fans’ll crucify me!
Artist: Ned and the Gnats
CD: Here We Go Again
©NedCo Broken Records 2008
Nedco – spreading the wealth again and again.™
Now give me Manny
An ode to re-signing Manny:
The best things in life are free
‘Cause Boston’s pickin’ up the bill, don’t you see
Now give me Manny
That’s what I want
That’s what I want, yeah
That’s what I want
You’re hittin’ gives me a thrill
And even better we don’t pay your bills
Now give me Manny
That’s what I want
That’s what I want, yeah
That’s what I want
Manny don’t hit everything it’s true
What he don’t hit, Kemp will kill
Now give me Manny
That’s what I want
That’s what I want, yeah
That’s what I want, wah
All you need is hate
Hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate.
There’s nothing you can say will change my mind.
Nothing you can sing that will be kind.
Nothing you can think but you can learn how to play the game.
It’s easy.
The unis they wear would work on Halloween .
Their fans don’t know what it’s like to be clean.
Nothing you can do but you can learn how to get in line.
It’s easy.
All you need is hate, Lord they make me irate,
All you need is hate, hate, hate is all you need.
Hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate, hate.
All you need is hate, they don’t like northstate,
All you need is hate, hate, hate is all you need.
They should have thrown Marichal in the klink.
Their fans don’t need to practice to stink.
I’d like to tie them up and pull them all into the drink.
It’s easy.
All you need is hate, don’t have one good trait
All you need is hate, hate, hate is all you need.
All you need is hate (all together now)
All you need is hate (everybody)
All you need is hate, hate, love ain’t what you need.
The Ballad of Juanpy Pierre
With sincere apologies to both dnelly and amy
The Ballad of Juanpy Pierre
To The Beatles’ “Rocky Raccoon”
Now somewhere in the black mining hills of LA
There lived a young boy named Neddy Colletti
And one day he walked up to JD Drew
Asked him was he gonna stick around,
He said, “You bet I am”
But his agent was Scott Boros and he
Booked himself a room in the local saloon.
“JD” he said, “you’ll make some more bread
If you tell Ned Colletti to shove it.
Outfielders are weak, who told you to speak?
You’re killing my agent’s percentage.
The Red Sox are rich, leave Ned in the ditch
I’ll get you more millions, I do pledge.
So Scott and JD, they called up Franky
And told them just where he could stick it.
Now Neddy was pissed, he looked at the list
Of free agent outfielders remaining
Now Juanpy burst in and grinning a grin
He said Neddyboy, I’m your best man here
Now Neddy was stuck, his head’s in the muck
And Juanpy was signed to a new contract.
Now the owner came in, and grinning a grin
And proceeded to lie to the media
He said, “Juanpy, he is the best
He works so hard and he has such a zest
And he only cost me $55 million dollars.
Now Juanpy he’s hurt, Andre is no squirt
He’s knocking the crap out of THE ball
But now Juanpy is well, bid Andre farewell
‘Cause the Dodger’s manager is Joe Torre.
Ah, no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no
No-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no
No-no-no-no-no-no-no-no-no
We’re so tired
It’s getting so bad, I can’t even remember if we did this Beatles’ song???!?!?! But “I’m so tired” of this management team…
We’re so tired, of hearing Joe and Ned
Praising the oldies, but dumping on the kids
We wonder should we tell them that they’re clean out of their heads
Yes, yes, yes!
We’re so tired we don’t know what to do
We’re stuck with broken players and bad trade rumors, too.
We wonder should we call Ned but we know what he would do.
He’d say “I’m putting you on!”
But it’s no joke, you’re shopping the farm.
You know we can’t sleep, we can’t stop our brains
You know it’s three weeks, and Pierre’s back again!!!
You know we’d give you everything we’ve got
if you’d just play the best.
I’m so tired, I’m feeling so upset
Quit ripping the youngsters, they’re better than the vets
We’ll curse Ned, Frank, and JoJo
They’re the ones who made this mess.
Ned says, “I’m putting you on!”
But it’s no joke, he’s shopping the farm.
You know we can’t sleep, we can’t stop our brains
You know it’s three weeks, and Pierre’s back again!!!
You know we’d give you everything we’ve got
if you’d just play the best.
dodgereric
I had some time on my hands… Beatles Octopus’ Garden:
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http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Sqd6yF4SrmI
L.A. DODGER’S DUGOUT
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Juan’s going to be, upset you see
Sitting in the Dodger’s dugout in the shade
He will be found, skulking around
In the L.A. Dodger dugout in the shade
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Manny, Kemp and Andre E-eeeeee
Will be the starters playing with glee
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Juan’s going to be, poutin’ you’ll see
In the L.A. Dodger dugout in the shade
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He’ll be pray tell, in Dodger hell
In his little tiny spot, end of the pine
He’ll hang his head, game time he’ll dread
Sitting in the Dodger’s dugout with a whine
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No slap hits, our guys can pou-ound
Because there’s no Juan a-round
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It’s gonna be, Juan’s plight you see
Sitting in the Dodger’s dugout in the shade
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He’ll come out, and run about
The bases for another on occashe
(run the bases on occashe)
Oh what joy, for Torre’s vet’ran toy
To maybe score a run and win the game
(maybe win the game)
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No more pops, and no drib-lers too
No more of the stinky Mister Phew
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Joe you will see, have company
In the L.A. Dodger’s dugout with Phew
In the L.A. Dodger’s dugout with Phew
In the L.A. Dodger’s dugout with Phew
©NedCo Broken Records 2009