DodgerLyrics is a containment vessel for the many "songs" written on Inside The Dodgers. Sincere apologies to the genuine songwriters, to whom we mean no harm. All hail enchanted, our leader!
It is so easy to adapt anything said about Mark Sweeney two years ago to Garret Anderson. Here is an adaptation to two paired parodies I wrote in ’08. DodgerEric, please don’t even think about adding these to DodgerLyrics as they are mere minor adaptations of past parodies.
JUST A USELESS OLD FART (Tune of Bonnie Tyler’s “Total Eclipse of the Heart”) Time: Right now (3:32 p.m., August 6, 2010) Location: Joe Torre’s office Scene: Garret Anderson begging Torre to save his behind . Turnaround, every other night I go to hit but all my bat does is go round Turnaround, Every now and then I get a little bit tired of listening to the sound of the boos Turnaround, Every now and then I get a little bit nervous that the best of all the years have gone by Turnaround, Every now and then I get a little terrified when I see the look in fan’s eyes . Turnaround JoJo, Every single night I fall apart Turnaround JoJo, Every single night I fall apart . (Instrumental) . Turnaround, Every now and then I get a little bit restless and my swing gets really wild Turnaround, Every now and then I get a little bit helpless and I’m lying like a child in your arms Turnaround, Every now and then I get a little bit angry ‘cuz I know my career’s about to die Turnaround, Every now and then I get a little terrified when I see the look in fan’s eyes . Turnaround JoJo, Every single night I fall apart Turnaround JoJo, Every single night I fall apart . And I need you now tonight And I need you more than ever And if you’ll only hold me tight We’ll be holding on forever And we’ll only be making it right Cause we’ll never be wrong together . Can’t I keep playing until I’m forty-nine? Your love for vets has been saving my *** all of the time I don’t know how to hit and I’m swingin’ in the dark We’re living in a powder keg and giving off sparks I really need you tonight I’m gonna start hitting tonight I promise I’ll start hitting tonight I swear I’ll start hitting tonight . (Instrumental) . Once upon a time I was all-star But now I’m just a useless old fart There’s nothing I can do I wonder if they’re hiring at KMart Once upon a time I was all-star But now I’m just a useless old fart Nothing I can say I wonder if they’re hiring at Kmart . (Fade Out) __________________________
LOVER’S CROSS (To the tune of Jim Croce’s “Lover’s Cross) Time: About an hour later (After Anderson stopped crying) Location: Joe Torre’s office Scene (I hope): Torre breaks up with Anderson . Groundhogs said it was bound to happen Was just a matter of time But now I’ve come to my decision And it’s one of the painful kind ‘Cause now it seems that you wanted a martyr Just a regular coach wouldn’t do But Garret I can’t hang upon no lover’s cross for you . Yes, I really got to hand it to you ‘Cause, girl, you really tried But for ev’ry time that we spent laughin’ There were ten times the fans cried ‘Cause I’ve been a martyr for Mark Sweeney before But I can’t keep pinch-hitting with you And Garret, I can’t hang upon no lover’s cross for you . ‘Cause tables are meant for turnin’ And people are bound to change And bridges are meant for burnin’ When former all-stars deserve so much blame . So I’ll hope that you can find Another who can take what I could not He’ll have to be a super coach Or maybe a Super God ‘Cause I’ve been a martyr for Mark Sweeney before But I can’t keep pinch-hitting with you And Garret, I can’t hang upon no lover’s cross for you . For about 500 other Dodger parodys, most of which were written by far more talented writers, go to: http://dodgereric.mlblogs.com/
dodgereric
It is so easy to adapt anything said about Mark Sweeney two years ago to Garret Anderson. Here is an adaptation to two paired parodies I wrote in ’08. DodgerEric, please don’t even think about adding these to DodgerLyrics as they are mere minor adaptations of past parodies.
JUST A USELESS OLD FART (Tune of Bonnie Tyler’s “Total Eclipse of the Heart”)
Time: Right now (3:32 p.m., August 6, 2010)
Location: Joe Torre’s office
Scene: Garret Anderson begging Torre to save his behind
.
Turnaround, every other night I go to hit
but all my bat does is go round
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit tired of listening to the sound of the boos
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit nervous that the best of all the years have gone by
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little terrified when I see the look in fan’s eyes
.
Turnaround JoJo, Every single night
I fall apart
Turnaround JoJo, Every single night
I fall apart
.
(Instrumental)
.
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit restless and my swing gets really wild
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit helpless and I’m lying like a child in your arms
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little bit angry ‘cuz I know my career’s about to die
Turnaround, Every now and then I get a
little terrified when I see the look in fan’s eyes
.
Turnaround JoJo, Every single night
I fall apart
Turnaround JoJo, Every single night
I fall apart
.
And I need you now tonight
And I need you more than ever
And if you’ll only hold me tight
We’ll be holding on forever
And we’ll only be making it right
Cause we’ll never be wrong together
.
Can’t I keep playing until I’m forty-nine?
Your love for vets has been saving my *** all of the time
I don’t know how to hit and I’m swingin’ in the dark
We’re living in a powder keg and giving off sparks
I really need you tonight
I’m gonna start hitting tonight
I promise I’ll start hitting tonight
I swear I’ll start hitting tonight
.
(Instrumental)
.
Once upon a time I was all-star
But now I’m just a useless old fart
There’s nothing I can do
I wonder if they’re hiring at KMart
Once upon a time I was all-star
But now I’m just a useless old fart
Nothing I can say
I wonder if they’re hiring at Kmart
.
(Fade Out)
__________________________
LOVER’S CROSS (To the tune of Jim Croce’s “Lover’s Cross)
Time: About an hour later (After Anderson stopped crying)
Location: Joe Torre’s office
Scene (I hope): Torre breaks up with Anderson
.
Groundhogs said it was bound to happen
Was just a matter of time
But now I’ve come to my decision
And it’s one of the painful kind
‘Cause now it seems that you wanted a martyr
Just a regular coach wouldn’t do
But Garret I can’t hang upon no lover’s cross for you
.
Yes, I really got to hand it to you
‘Cause, girl, you really tried
But for ev’ry time that we spent laughin’
There were ten times the fans cried
‘Cause I’ve been a martyr for Mark Sweeney before
But I can’t keep pinch-hitting with you
And Garret, I can’t hang upon no lover’s cross for you
.
‘Cause tables are meant for turnin’
And people are bound to change
And bridges are meant for burnin’
When former all-stars deserve so much blame
.
So I’ll hope that you can find
Another who can take what I could not
He’ll have to be a super coach
Or maybe a Super God
‘Cause I’ve been a martyr for Mark Sweeney before
But I can’t keep pinch-hitting with you
And Garret, I can’t hang upon no lover’s cross for you
.
For about 500 other Dodger parodys, most of which were written by far more talented writers, go to: http://dodgereric.mlblogs.com/