This song parody is my response to Joe Torre’s comment about playing Juan Pierre in one to two games a week. Apologies to fans of “JEREMY” by Pearl Jam

JUANY P

A gnome

Drawing pictures

Of line-up cards

With him on top

Blue Chavez Ravine

Arms raised in a V

Dre lay in pools of jealous glow

Torre didn’t give attention

To the fact that the fans didn’t care

King Juany PVL

Rules Joe’s world Juany P spoke from Joe’s @_ss today

Juany P spoke from Joe’s @_ss today

Clearly I remember

Ned signing the gnome

Seemed a harmless little Cub

But we unleashed a Marlin

Gnashed his teeth

And bit the lady owner’s breast

How could I forget

And I scream when he’s in Left

My jaw left hurtin’

Dropped wide open

Just like the day

Like the day I heard

Torre didn’t give Dre affection

So the outfield has to be shared

King Juan Pierre PVL

Rules Joe world

Juany P spoke from Joe’s @_ss today

Juany P spoke from Joe’s @_ss today

Try to forget this…

Try to erase this…

From the scoreboard.

“You Must Sign Me”
Words and Music by Obi Lloyd Weeber
(parody of Evita’s “You Must Love Me”)

 

Where do we go from here?
This isn’t where we intended to be.
We had it all
You believed in me
I believed in you

All other teams have disappeared
What do I do for the dream to survive
How do you keep your pennant hope alive
If Juan Pierre plays the left side?

Deep in my heart I’m concealing
2 years/45 mil I’m longing to say
Scared to confess what I’m seeing
Frightened it’ll slip away
You must sign me
You must sign me

Why is Boras at my side?
How can he be any use to me now?
Give me a chance LA and I’ll let you see how
Nothing has changed.

Deep in my heart I’m concealing
2 years/45 mil I’m longing to say
Scared to confess what I’m seeing
Frightened it’ll slip away
You must sign me
You must sign me

Thanks Dnelly… as a fellow REM and Dodger fan you may enjoy this little diddy as well:

That’s Joe on the railing

That’s Joe in the spotlight,

Neva changing his position

Less he shows he’s human too

And I don’t know if Joe can do it

Oh no, I’ve said too much

Joe hasn’t said enough

I thought that I heard fans laughing

I thought that I heard fans say

I think I thought I saw Joe move

Every inning

Of every losing game now

You stand still on the railing

Trying not to make a muscle move

Like a old, opened tube of glue ,you…

Oh no, I’ve said too much
I set it up

What If We Give It Away? —REM

In Chavez Ravine
Underneath the wall
All the money couldn’t buy
You’re mistaken
Scosia’s not standing there
For the record no one tried
Oh I try to

What if we give it away?

Overlooking with a hollow eye
What’s pretending is it right
Eye for order a hand for what’s in line
Couldn’t follow couldn’t write

And our life is fine here
Stitch it on your tie here

Here’s the trailer Frank
A year has come and gone
We’re not moving was it right
Take the order sew it on your tie
We couldn’t follow couldn’t try

SLAPPY FLY [Apologies to the Curtis Mayfield's song "SUPER FLY]

Darkest of night

Stadium lights shining bright

Slappy Fly sitting down

In the dugout with a frown

Dre’s the man of the hour

With a bat of great power

Slappy Fly has envied him for so long

(Chorus)

Oooh, Slappy Fly

You’re gonna make your fortune by and by

But if Dre starts don’t ask no questions why

The only game you know is 1 for 5

Ah-ha-ha

Hard to understand

What the hell was Joe’s plan

With Slappy gettin’ every start

Nearly tore our team apart

But a weakness was shown

‘Cause Slappy’s hustle was wrong

Onto the DL his knee blown

And Kemp came into his own

Oooh, Slappy Fly

You’re gonna make your fortune by and by

But if Dre starts, don’t ask no questions why

The only game you know is 1 for 5

Ah-ha-ha

BRIDGE

The game he plays he plays for keeps

Hustlin’ bunts and bouncin’ throws

Tryin’ ta pop it over

(That’s what he tryin’ to do, y’all)

Taking all the strikes he can take

Gambling with the odds of OBP

Tryin’ ta pop it over (4x)

Woo, Slappy Fly

The aim of his deal

Was to stay in Centerfield

Ask him about team

What does it mean?

He wouldn’t know

“Can’t be like the rest”

Is the most he’ll confess

But the time’s running out

And there’s no happiness

Oooh, Slappy fly

You’re gonna make your fortune by and by

But if Dre starts, don’t ask no questions why
The only game you know is 1 for 5

Ah-ha-ha

Slappyfly (4x)

“Tryin’ ta pop it over…”

“Juan Says” [aka "Jane Says" --Jane's Addiction ]

Juan says
I’m done with Ned and Joe
Say I throw just like a ragdoll
Joe hides

His face away

Says I don’t show him nothing,

But if Dre sits out again

Tell Joe, sit Druw down for me

Or just

Let me play tomorrow

I’m wanna play tomorrow

Gonna play tomorrow

Juan says

Have you seen my bat around?

I feel naked without it

He knows

They all want him to go

But that’s O.K. man

He don’t like them anyway

Juan says

He’s goin away to the A’s

When he makes it through the waive

I’m wanna start tomorrow

I’m gonna start tomorrow

Gonna start tomorrow

Juan gets mad

Starts to cry

He takes a swing but

he cant hit

He don’t mean no harm

He just don’t know

What else to do about it

Juan goes

To Stadium Way at 8

He walk up from Elysian

He waits

And sees the lineup card

He puts his pride

In his pocket

Juan says

I’ve never been Gold Glove

I don’t know what it is

Only knows if some team wants him

I want them if they want me

I only know they want me

He gets mad

And he starts to cry

He takes a swing man

He cant hit!

He don’t mean no harm

He just dont know

What else to do about it

Juan says

Juan says

Great songs Kahli and DNelly! Okay love the line-up tonight. So in tribute to Juan Pierre and his coming diatribe of complaint in tomorrow’s papers, I present to you, the ITD crew, a song on Juan, as sung from Juan, to Juan.

“JUAN ON JUAN” [aka "ONE ON ONE" - Hall & Oates]

I’m tired of playing on this team

It seems that I don’t get to start anymore

That could change if my OBP was erased

And you forget I rarely score

Oh oh I can feel the magic of Juan’s touch

And when Juan pops to left a little bit means so much

Ooh yeah, you’ve got to understand Torre

Being Juan is what I’m here for

Juan on Juan I wanna play this game tonight

Juan on Juan I know I wanna play that

Juan on Juan I wanna play this game tonight

Dre and Druw are so slow

You can’t tell me you don’t miss me Joe

I think I might know you too well

Wonder what Mom would say if she knew that I wasn’t starting tonight

[Want to? ] I want to start can’t you tell?

Juan on Juan I wanna play the game tonight

Juan on Juan I know I wanna play this

Juan on Juan I wanna play the game tonight

Dre and Druw are so slow

That’s all you need to know now

‘Cause if my Mom’s really right there’s no Juan else

One on one I want to play that game tonight…

Juan on Juan I wanna play the game tonight

Juan on Juan I know I wanna play this

Juan on Juan I wanna play the game tonight

Joe’s deadline for Manny cutting his hair is just another example of how out of touch Joe is with today’s players. Who cares how long his dreads are as long as he keeps hitting? If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it . I think David Crosby of CSN&Y said it best:

ALMOST CUT MY HAIR

Almost cut my hair
It happened just the other day

It’s gettin kinda long

I could have said it was in my way

But I didn’t and I wonder why

I feel like letting my freak flag fly

Cause I feel like I owe it to someone

Must be because I had the flu’ for Christmas

And I’m not feeling up to par

It increases my paranoia

Like looking in my (rear-view) mirror and seeing a police car

But I’m not giving in an inch to fear

Cause I promised myself this year

I feel like I owe it to someone

When I finally get myself together

I’m going to get down in that sunny southern weather

And I find a place inside a laugh

Separate the wheat from the chaff

I feel like I owe it to someone

After seeing the starting lineup I decided to try and be positive about it and instead of using BALL OF CONFUSION, pillage the work of Bernie Taupin and Sir Reginald Dwight
Apologies to all in advance.

MANNY AND THE VETS

Hey kids, sitting down together
The spotlight’s hitting something
That’s been known to Boston weather
We’ll kill the fatted calf tonight
So Andruw, stick around
You’re gonna hear BEAT LA sounds
Shouted out by clowns

Say, Dnelly and Sara, have you seen them yet

Oh but they’re so spaced out, Manny and the Vets

Oh but they’re aged and they’re AARPable

Oh Manny he’s really keen

He’s got footlong dreads a blue doo-rag

You know I read it on the I-T-D blog, yeah

Ma-Ma-Ma Mannie and the Vets

Manny, Manny, Manny, Manny and the Vets

JAMIE CRYIN’ [ tribute song to Jamie McCourt and her dealings with Ned Colletti]

She saw the look in Frank’s eyes
N’ she knew better

He wanted Manny tonight

And it was now or never

Ned made her feel so sad

Oh, whoa, whoa, Jamie’s cryin’

Oh, whoa, whoa, Jamie’s cryin’

Now Jamie wouldn’t say “Ned’s right!”

She knew how that’d cost her

N’ so she said “Soon one night,

Oh, and he’ll be gone forever”

She wants to send Ned a letter, uh yeah yeah

Uh, just to try to make herself feel better

It said “With Manny, (You got lucky this time)”

But she knows what that’ll get her

Oh, whoa, whoa, Jamie’s cryin’
Oh, whoa, whoa, Jamie’s cryin’